34

Gosh. This boy/girl thing is getting complicated. What is it that brings the two guys I like in a subconcious battle with eachother? Niether knows the other, but somehow one knows when I'm talking to the other. At least on a subconcious level. If I haven't heard from one of them, as soon as I start to give up they pop back in just when things are going good with the other.
I can't win! It's like I'm a lab rat and the variables keep changing. They mess with my mind even after I think a decision has been made. The biggest problem is, they are polar opposites and I have a completely different connection with either one. On top of that, one is appartently leaving while the other has been in my life forever only to make some progress now.
It's a tug-of-war and I'm the mark in the middle. Hopefully this is enough of a rant to get me focusing on my final projects again.

The End.

30

This term has been hectic and these weeks even worse. Full of busy days and lots of confusion.
Lately I feel so stretched out. Imagine a fruit-rollup that's been pulled at every corner just before the hole starts ripping in the middle. That's me. Like a trampoline that's just about to give out. I've grown up into this super responsible person that too many depend on that. At work I find myself doing responsibilities that aren't entailed. At school I'm always depended upon as a leader-type unless there is a strong character willing (there never is). With friends, I arrange the group outings and times together. But it's not fun anymore.
The problem with this is if I give up I feel like a slacker and everything seems to fall through the cracks. Work would be ten times more stress, school projects would never get done, and I'd lose out on great friendships.
There's no win-win here. Maybe someday. I hope.

The End.

25

Lack of sleep and focused concentration have revealed interesting moments. I've seen things at the corner of my eye that turn out to be nothing. I've consumed many cups of caffiene to keep my zombie-like body going. I've ran around in circles of adrenaline rushes just to keep myself moving expecting to crash any minute. I didn't crash. I haven't crashed. I'm still alive and awake and coherent. How is this possible? I don't know. My batteries have barely had a quick-charge and yet they're still going like I'm the bunny. I hope all this changes soon. It can't be good. I can't afford a complete burnout.

The End.

24

It's been a long time. A really long time. It feels like a whole life could fit in the gap from then and now but things don't change much.
I'm still dealing with even more in my life. The bricks keep getting laid, but they're crooked and jagged and waiting to topple. I keep picking them up just before, but I know they'll fall soon.
The pressure is getting to me. School, work, family, friends, life. The only constant I have is my music. It keeps piling up too. Album upon album of comforting melodies. Some comfort in ways that depress while others hold as a great morning pick-me-up.
I missed my writing, I hope to keep it going again as another constant in my life. We shall see what happens.

The End.