51

It's been sometime and I've been busy trying to keep up. So many readings for classes I don't know how I'm going to fit everything into one term. I need money. I'm broke. I spent it all on textbooks and ended up with 2 dollars in my account with another book to buy. I was silly this year. I didn't try to sell any books back. Hopefully with everything going on I may be able to post a few soon. I'm running around in a million circles and honestly, I'm just typing everything going on in my head right now. I've spent a weekend doing nothing but losing time. Lost time cleaning, eating, sleeping, having things get canceled, debating with my mind, movie watching, and reading. It's been a blur of a week and another one coming. My fingers won't stop writing but I must go to bed soon. I need to get up and replay another week with new chapters. So here I end my ongoing typing.

The End.

49

It's the end of the year and the beginning of the next. I never really understood this night. Just an excuse to get out and drink. Instead I normally get a cold and lose interest. It's now become a point that I'm not interested. A simple gathering of a few family friends, "Happy New Year", to bed. I'd rather just use the day to stay in my PJ's and watch good movies or repeats of my favourite episodes until I fall to sleep. I guess forced celebration isn't my thing. I could say I'm glad this year is almost over, but there's no promises the next one won't turn out the same.

The End.

45

It's a strange thing. The idea of promises you make yourself. Do they really work? Unless you're totally secure and completely unwilling to ever fudge the guidelines of this promise, I say no. You can't promise yourself anything with the parameters we want. Things get in the way. Subjects change. Environments change. The whole idea is outrageous. I find myself promising that I won't look at the clock until I've finished reading this page of an assignment only to look after the next sentence. I don't know if it's just me, but I find unless there's some other motivation, I can be happy fudging my promises to something I'm still okay with. I know me and I know the practicality of me too. I'm flawed and so are the promises I make myself.
But that doesn't mean a promise to someone else will be broken.

The End.

44

I'm being ignored by a few. This whole boy and girl thing just won't let up. Why is it everyone seems to misinterpret the other completely wrong? I never asked for anything. I never expected anything. And now, so things don't get outta control I'm stuck alone. Where is the logic in that? All I want is someone to talk and hang out with and I can barely get two words. I know it's bad timing. Same here. Suck it up. Grow up. Give me the time of day.

The End.

41

Almost done all my shopping. That's right. I'm going out before the malls are too busy and avoiding as much chaos as possible. I already have enough of that without adding horrible mall shoppers to it. It's not that I hate shopping. I love it! I shop weekly, but this little fact makes me hate holiday shopping even more. During this time there are so many people that can't navigate themselves through the simplist layout that it drives me made. Newbie shoppers that think every store around them is brand new. Shoppers that tend to stop at the top of an escalator to think. Shoppers that instead of stepping right into a store they slow to beyond a snails pace as they pass by the door blocking the enterance for the five people that actually know they want to enter. Who ever knew that a class could potentially be created to teach people 'how to shop in a mall'? I wish something would exist so I'd never have to endure holiday shopping torture again.

The End.

36

Complete exhaustion. That's what I am. Compared to the days of adrenaline rushes, today's sleep deprivation brought out my early-morning character. The personality I create that no one should see. The one that comes out when I've been woken up against my will. The one that frowns and grumbles when being spoken too unnecessarily. The personality I have that brings out my crabby and moodiness. Leave me alone and don't return until I start to smile. Except today I couldn't be avoided. I has too much to do, which stressed me out and angered me more. I'm glad it's over. No more projects with people that get under my skin. No more phone calls for no appartent reasons. No more meetings that get nothing done. I have individual exams and then time to rest. I'm glad it's finally come. It's been too long.

The End.

34

Gosh. This boy/girl thing is getting complicated. What is it that brings the two guys I like in a subconcious battle with eachother? Niether knows the other, but somehow one knows when I'm talking to the other. At least on a subconcious level. If I haven't heard from one of them, as soon as I start to give up they pop back in just when things are going good with the other.
I can't win! It's like I'm a lab rat and the variables keep changing. They mess with my mind even after I think a decision has been made. The biggest problem is, they are polar opposites and I have a completely different connection with either one. On top of that, one is appartently leaving while the other has been in my life forever only to make some progress now.
It's a tug-of-war and I'm the mark in the middle. Hopefully this is enough of a rant to get me focusing on my final projects again.

The End.

21

It's a hard time here. I have bad news all around me and it's getting to me. The problem with that is that I'm so good at hiding everything that's affecting that no one knows. To some that would be perfect. To me, it makes me wonder why I do it? Why do I hide something so close to me? Another thing that gets to me, how come no one can tell? I need someone to know what I'm going through, someone that can tell straight away. I need someone I don't hesitate to speak to where it doesn't matter where or when I do it. Of course, at this moment I'm even hiding the news to a sibling or two so that they can enjoy their evening at prom. Thats however, it out of protectiong for them, not me. I don't think I need all the protecting I guard myself with, but who knows? I;ve come accustomed to my walls. Could I ever break them down?
The End.

20

Dressed up today cause I was in a low mood from the minute I woke up. Hope it works. A cute skirt and accessories can go a long way and I must say it's better than wearing what my mind was thinking, which was sweats and a comfy tee. Of course, I have feuding weather that is pushing me to stay mellow by raining nonstop. Girl and Boy drama has started again, but I don't want to share too much right now. Getting back to its old roots I think. It will take time. I hate time. Time is not my friend. It lags things too much. I wish time could befriend me and be on my side for once. I need the perfect amount but it never works out.

The End.

13

Have you ever thought if you left everything for a week of silence from the world, from life, from friends, from family, from crisis, from the internet, from everything around you... have you ever thought you'd be missed? you'd be wanted in that time? you were needed for something only you could fix? there'd be many messages on your phone, on your web connections, in the mail?
If it was possible would you risk the thought and disappear?
Have you ever thought you'd discover something about yourself in a time such as that? you'd discover true friends? you'd discover how connected you actually were?
I don't think I could really disappear such as that. The joy I find is mostly in the interactions I have with close friends. I have thought of the idea though, and wonder. There's so many possibilities and fears that come with the thought. Somehow, the idea still plays around in my head.
The End.

11

I don't know if I've ever felt more alone than now. Of course, it could be the alcohol talking, or the crabiness I recieved as a result from trying to speak to my brother, but it feels like one of those moments. People downstairs, but no one to call. I'm outta school and recently jobless so it leaves hours of thinking in which I probably shouldn't be doing. Being a girl, you can only think so much until you start running circles in your head of things on your mind over and over again. Different scenarios, all variables of the last only slightly realistic, but all remotely true. Anyways... my thought process has lead me to the realization that I am at a low. I know I have been for some time but now, being angered by those downstairs watching a favourite movie of mine, I am here ranting of how rude and inconsiderate they are. I am ranting about how they know me even less than I thought. I am ranting about how I still don't know myself enough and my true emotions. And in my mind, I'm still running through the guy/girl story in my mind and why it has still gone so wrong.
The End.