44

I'm being ignored by a few. This whole boy and girl thing just won't let up. Why is it everyone seems to misinterpret the other completely wrong? I never asked for anything. I never expected anything. And now, so things don't get outta control I'm stuck alone. Where is the logic in that? All I want is someone to talk and hang out with and I can barely get two words. I know it's bad timing. Same here. Suck it up. Grow up. Give me the time of day.

The End.

34

Gosh. This boy/girl thing is getting complicated. What is it that brings the two guys I like in a subconcious battle with eachother? Niether knows the other, but somehow one knows when I'm talking to the other. At least on a subconcious level. If I haven't heard from one of them, as soon as I start to give up they pop back in just when things are going good with the other.
I can't win! It's like I'm a lab rat and the variables keep changing. They mess with my mind even after I think a decision has been made. The biggest problem is, they are polar opposites and I have a completely different connection with either one. On top of that, one is appartently leaving while the other has been in my life forever only to make some progress now.
It's a tug-of-war and I'm the mark in the middle. Hopefully this is enough of a rant to get me focusing on my final projects again.

The End.

29

I'm mellow right now but I should be stressing. I blame it on the beauty of music. I have songs flowing through me that are radiating in a calm, sweet happiness. It's bringing me back to the things that I miss. The things that made me so happy in the moment. The memories that I wait for again. Those moments that will stay everlasting as good moments no matter what bad happens later.
I recommend listening to Snow Patrol's "Set Down Your Glass" if you're wishing for the same soothing qualities.
The End.

20

Dressed up today cause I was in a low mood from the minute I woke up. Hope it works. A cute skirt and accessories can go a long way and I must say it's better than wearing what my mind was thinking, which was sweats and a comfy tee. Of course, I have feuding weather that is pushing me to stay mellow by raining nonstop. Girl and Boy drama has started again, but I don't want to share too much right now. Getting back to its old roots I think. It will take time. I hate time. Time is not my friend. It lags things too much. I wish time could befriend me and be on my side for once. I need the perfect amount but it never works out.

The End.

17

Who takes the first step? It shouldn't be a question but it always seems to be.

After a fight. After some distance and time. After a great night. Who takes the first step?

I guess it comes down to a bravery thing. There's always those thoughts that come up though: Why must I do it? Don't I always make the first step? Isn't it their turn? Would I be too pushy? Should I give them more time?

My stupid mind questions too much sometimes. We all go through it. It's one of those games we deny to be a part of. Why does anything have to be a guessing game to begin with? Some jump into whatever without questioning. I like that idea, but it's not me. Analytical me.

Who takes the first step? I know while I think this through, a few days will pass and no step will be made.

The End.

11

I don't know if I've ever felt more alone than now. Of course, it could be the alcohol talking, or the crabiness I recieved as a result from trying to speak to my brother, but it feels like one of those moments. People downstairs, but no one to call. I'm outta school and recently jobless so it leaves hours of thinking in which I probably shouldn't be doing. Being a girl, you can only think so much until you start running circles in your head of things on your mind over and over again. Different scenarios, all variables of the last only slightly realistic, but all remotely true. Anyways... my thought process has lead me to the realization that I am at a low. I know I have been for some time but now, being angered by those downstairs watching a favourite movie of mine, I am here ranting of how rude and inconsiderate they are. I am ranting about how they know me even less than I thought. I am ranting about how I still don't know myself enough and my true emotions. And in my mind, I'm still running through the guy/girl story in my mind and why it has still gone so wrong.
The End.

9

I'm having a lounge day from the rest of the world, trying to feel like myself again. There's been so much pressure from people lately it's hard to just snub off anymore. But, like always, I'm trying.
So I've sat here and tried to catch up on a few things going on in my life. Contact some friends as they come back home from schools, wish a few luck on their last exams, message some I haven't seen or heard in a while. I've been debating a few ideas in my mind, none at which I would like to state right now.
Girl and Boy are patching things up slowly. Miscommunications got the best of a few situations and I'm hoping it's the same for another friend of mine.
I answered the door to a guy wanting to sell something today. My lounge day has consisted of PJ's and a sweatshirt. When I opened the door he asked for my parents. I'm staying optimistic about that fact and I guess I can be happy that I can still pass off as a kid when I want to get out of things.
The End.

8

When did it become so hard to talk? It's like losing your voice to emotions and never getting it back. Why is it when someone expresses something to another person everything has to go silent? Whether it's love or anger changing the subject is harder than it is to do during a heated debate. I've had two opposite incidences that don't make any sense:

1. A friend of mine has canceled on me over and over again since she's traveling back and forth and caught up in school auditions and job interviews. It's been a crazy month or so for me and everything she was doing started to piss me off. But when I do a bit of a rant of emotions and wish her luck for her interview I'm left with nothing. No "thanks for the wishes", no "piss off I'm busy", no "I'm sorry", no "Hey how's it going?". When did people become so tied up and inconsiderate? You try to make a great support system of friends but when you need someone most, there's no one.

2. Someone expressed a few great things to me and it became a few ackward months of chats back and forth. But now it's become damn igorance of everything and I'm here wondering, "what the hell is up?" Gosh! If you want to take it back, take it back. I'm fine with what we were before. Leave it and lets move on. I've been here before, and friends is fine with me. Just let me know. Why keep it silent and strange? Recant, change the subject, and leave it at that. Why do we always tend to complicate things when they don't have to be? And when did it become so hard to be honest? When it's eating away at everyone when they're not, is that any better?

the end.

5

where to start? where oh where?
as promised. a few swirling bad memories are to be revealed starting with this:

A few years back now I was working at a small boutique by the water. This was somewhere around the 12th grade, I think. Being a small store, there were many shifts spent working alone and many shifts that I wouldn't want to remember. A homeless man would pop in and out of the stores in the neighbourhood and on occasions I heard stories of him stealing the honey bottles from the coffee shop down the block. The being close to the water, the buildings are smaller and the sun glared in brightly enough to light up the shop. I remember times where large trucks would pass by and stop for the stop sign. For the seconds where your eyes start to adjust the whole place could go black and then flicker back in the sunlight again. Great place to work and it definitely got more than three strikes before I was out. One strike though, I hope never happens again.

Due to many hours of repeats of 'Sex and the City' I came across an episode in which Carrie was dumped by a post it, and since then, my worst breakup comes to mind.

I was working a shift, alone, with the promise of my boyfriend visiting and rescueing me away for a date later that night. In short, he came in while I was tied up with a few things, said a quick "hi" and went for a walk in the neighbourhood. To my surprise, he was a few hours late and in a low mood. A while later, free of duties until another customer showed their face, he came back. With a hug, and a rather strange kiss on the forehead, it was over. No real reason (but there never is, is there?), leaving me with 4 more hours of my shift ahead of me to work through the shock of it all. While this was not a post it, at least Carrie had a lonesome time to deal with the aftermath. I, on the other hand, had jewelery and hairpieces to sell.

So there you go. One incedent I hope does not repeat itself. For you, and for me.
The end.

3

countdown til the end is on. projects are finishing up and finding study time is getting more pressed. but i must say, the closer we get to finishing these assignments the crazier our mindset is. nothing is thought up normally and everything is said with laughter. i guess that's what makes it still tolerable. the surprises of humour are always worth the time. today didn't lack any either. it's nice having groups of friends that can joke about everything especially in serious situations. i'm not sure about you but serious and ackward moments to me always need a little humour and something that still maintains amusement.
i'm still finding time to stress though. and still gaining the nerve to figure this girl and boy situation.
wish me luck and i'll wish it likewise.
the end.

2

i'm sitting here listening to mellow tones trying to leave my funk state. it's strange, most would probably counter-act the feeling with something upbeat. i like to experience the funk to be able to hop away from it. sometimes it works, sometimes it's worse.
so here it goes (at least i hope). the funk found from a long spell of nothing. girl meets boy. girl and boy hang out as friends. boy admits good things girl is glad to here. girl stops hearing from boy. a long stop.
confusion at it's peak around the worst time in the world. from class final to class final its hard to wonder if it's final as well. what led to such a confusing time. things that seemed to be working out finally just froze indefintely.
the end.