31

Finals. They're almost here and I'm in such relief. There's no reason to break down now (except I still feel like I need too). I'm almost done and then some freedom begins.
Not the best kind of freedom. It's left half empty.
I'm missing people this season. I'm missing traditions. Pieces are broken and things have changed. It's not the same. Never will be again. But I'm glad that something other than the torture I've been through is coming up as a sign of relief.

The End.

32

Sleep. I plan to get some tonight. Hopefully uninterrupted and dreamless. Power-napped today and woke up to the strangest feeling ever. Obviously from reaction remnants of a dream, but I barely recall them now. All I know is I dreamt of meeting someone I had never seen before, which is strange. Can you really dream of someone you haven't met? Aren't dreams the workings of your mind sorting itself out? So who is this unknown being and why couldn't I have sorted out the thought that aren't actually jumbled in my mind and need sorted out. Silly mind, work properly. Stop creating new things and start sorting out the present ones. My mind is too chaotic as it is.

The End.

31

I'm finally able to breathe. At least for a few minutes. It may only be for a short amount of time, but it feels good. I'm finally ending classes and on top of that, half the stress. As each assignment is ending, I feel less trapped. Of course, I have two more presentations, and three more written projects but that's not the point. It's ending, and I'm still surviving. Makes me think I can get through the last bit (or at least pass out trying). I'm still running on little sleep most nights, lots of coffee, and pure adrenaline.
The End.

30

This term has been hectic and these weeks even worse. Full of busy days and lots of confusion.
Lately I feel so stretched out. Imagine a fruit-rollup that's been pulled at every corner just before the hole starts ripping in the middle. That's me. Like a trampoline that's just about to give out. I've grown up into this super responsible person that too many depend on that. At work I find myself doing responsibilities that aren't entailed. At school I'm always depended upon as a leader-type unless there is a strong character willing (there never is). With friends, I arrange the group outings and times together. But it's not fun anymore.
The problem with this is if I give up I feel like a slacker and everything seems to fall through the cracks. Work would be ten times more stress, school projects would never get done, and I'd lose out on great friendships.
There's no win-win here. Maybe someday. I hope.

The End.

29

I'm mellow right now but I should be stressing. I blame it on the beauty of music. I have songs flowing through me that are radiating in a calm, sweet happiness. It's bringing me back to the things that I miss. The things that made me so happy in the moment. The memories that I wait for again. Those moments that will stay everlasting as good moments no matter what bad happens later.
I recommend listening to Snow Patrol's "Set Down Your Glass" if you're wishing for the same soothing qualities.
The End.

28

I'm shivering. It's cold in the house. I should really have some tea or something. I need the caffiene anyway. The whole day was full of stress and arguements.
Group assignments in University are a joke. How can you say 'this is like the REAL world' when in the real world school and work aren't in the way of group meetings?... it is your work! There's no time for anything. We fudge time by skipping the ends of something and arriving late to others. We collect our thoughts in confusion and aggrivation. We ignore our stomachs just to not waste the time consuming anything but knowledge.
I sit here in this cold house as a habit from these learned abilities. Ignore yourself. Ignore the time. Focus.
But it's time to listen and feed myself in warmth and nutrition. The life of a University student.

The End.

27

I'm wearing myself out. So tired yet still refusing to sleep. It's like I'm waiting for something to happen. Is there something I should be doing that only my subconcious knows? Cuz I'm here and I can barely react or see anything but I'm keeping myself up and alive. This can't be good. I want to rest forever. I'm stressed and running off nothing. I have assignments that seem to getting bigger than smaller every minute and the opposite for the allotted time leftover. I think I'll try forcing sleep since I'm not physically willing to go. I will move myself outta this chair with the sheer force of my mind and have a dreamless slumber for the short hours that are left in this evening.

The End.

26

I need an escape of some sort. A trip. A few days to myself. A day with no annoyances or obligations. A time where I can relax and rid myself of everything. A day to breakdown and recover. A day to be myself with no masks or characters to play. A time to change the atmosphere around me.
I need it but can't have it.
There is no time. This structure of numers and days has destroyed us all as we race around trying to accomplish too much in the full circle of a clock.
I'm worn out and this remains hidden to allude that I'm alright. I hope I find a gap in this structured schedule of time soon.
The End.

25

Lack of sleep and focused concentration have revealed interesting moments. I've seen things at the corner of my eye that turn out to be nothing. I've consumed many cups of caffiene to keep my zombie-like body going. I've ran around in circles of adrenaline rushes just to keep myself moving expecting to crash any minute. I didn't crash. I haven't crashed. I'm still alive and awake and coherent. How is this possible? I don't know. My batteries have barely had a quick-charge and yet they're still going like I'm the bunny. I hope all this changes soon. It can't be good. I can't afford a complete burnout.

The End.

24

It's been a long time. A really long time. It feels like a whole life could fit in the gap from then and now but things don't change much.
I'm still dealing with even more in my life. The bricks keep getting laid, but they're crooked and jagged and waiting to topple. I keep picking them up just before, but I know they'll fall soon.
The pressure is getting to me. School, work, family, friends, life. The only constant I have is my music. It keeps piling up too. Album upon album of comforting melodies. Some comfort in ways that depress while others hold as a great morning pick-me-up.
I missed my writing, I hope to keep it going again as another constant in my life. We shall see what happens.

The End.