21

It's a hard time here. I have bad news all around me and it's getting to me. The problem with that is that I'm so good at hiding everything that's affecting that no one knows. To some that would be perfect. To me, it makes me wonder why I do it? Why do I hide something so close to me? Another thing that gets to me, how come no one can tell? I need someone to know what I'm going through, someone that can tell straight away. I need someone I don't hesitate to speak to where it doesn't matter where or when I do it. Of course, at this moment I'm even hiding the news to a sibling or two so that they can enjoy their evening at prom. Thats however, it out of protectiong for them, not me. I don't think I need all the protecting I guard myself with, but who knows? I;ve come accustomed to my walls. Could I ever break them down?
The End.

20

Dressed up today cause I was in a low mood from the minute I woke up. Hope it works. A cute skirt and accessories can go a long way and I must say it's better than wearing what my mind was thinking, which was sweats and a comfy tee. Of course, I have feuding weather that is pushing me to stay mellow by raining nonstop. Girl and Boy drama has started again, but I don't want to share too much right now. Getting back to its old roots I think. It will take time. I hate time. Time is not my friend. It lags things too much. I wish time could befriend me and be on my side for once. I need the perfect amount but it never works out.

The End.

19

Traveled home by train today. It's not a new thing. I've done it many times before. Had a job where I was taking it daily a while back. I stood there in my mellow mood watching the train pass by as it slowly came to a hault and couldn't help but notice the reflections. All these faces with the same expression, all with the same thought in mind "I'm going to find a seat HERE." All knowing their next step. It's a strange way to look around but you can see quite a bit as a train whooshes by. Five people at least to each side of you, those starring through on the other side of the track, and those in the train already. But seeing me there seemed strange. A warped image as my ghost-like reflection goes in and out of window and metal. Raised bolts on the train carts muffle my reflection but I am still the same. I don't move and yet I trail in and out with my hair swaying in the breeze. A peaceful moment. A expression. One moment in time.

The End.

18

I've been home for a while now and it's funny how little has happened. It's nice not having the rush back into things but I feel it coming. Interviews and acceptance. Things are changing and the summer will soon pick up. I'm excited for the change. Hopefully it will help brighten up this mood I fall back to way too often. Summer seems to be a time of change and adaption, sometimes more than Fall. Hope I can find my new self in all this change. That's all I want.
The End.

17

Who takes the first step? It shouldn't be a question but it always seems to be.

After a fight. After some distance and time. After a great night. Who takes the first step?

I guess it comes down to a bravery thing. There's always those thoughts that come up though: Why must I do it? Don't I always make the first step? Isn't it their turn? Would I be too pushy? Should I give them more time?

My stupid mind questions too much sometimes. We all go through it. It's one of those games we deny to be a part of. Why does anything have to be a guessing game to begin with? Some jump into whatever without questioning. I like that idea, but it's not me. Analytical me.

Who takes the first step? I know while I think this through, a few days will pass and no step will be made.

The End.

16

Leaving for some time is such a romantic idea. Not that it's covered in roses and soft music under the moonlight. It's because it's a way escape, leave all that is pressuring, and pretend to forget about all that has quickly vanished due to the vast distance between you and those problems. It is romantic for that fact that it can only be obtained for limited periods of time and it is a beautiful but unrealistic time.

I leave for vacation. Spend my days wandering to new places where other just like me are doing the same. I was able to discover new and glorious adventures. I was able to be myself with the fact that no one there knew me. I had no obligations and escaped the clouds that normally cover my mind.

I get home. Slowly but surely those clouds are getting darker over my head. Makes you wonder if the escape was ever worth it doesn't it? I had my breathe of clear fresh air and I'm back to where I was pre-trip. I just hope I can hold my breathe a little longer and keep some of that good air with me. Is it strange to have the hope that it did me well and things will now change? I think so, but I'm holding onto that hope anyway.

The End.