15

Today is a lovely day. The trees are green. The dandelions are starting to blow in the perfect breeze. The sun is high in the sky. The neighbourhood is the most peaceful it's been in weeks. It's a great day, at all ends and yet it's empty. Sunday used to be a family day and now it's full of people running around doing our own things. My sibling has homework, my mother is helping as usual, my father is out and about on some new date of his. I miss the structure and regularities of being a child. Everything was exciting and new. Sundays were days I'd awake to pots and pans clanging to scramble eggs and fry up blueberry pancakes. That was at the old house. That was what seems like a lifetime ago. That is what I miss today. The old traditions. The ones you look back on and find them to be perfect. Those memories that are so vague they are now only held onto by a small graphic or sound. So little detail is left in your mind but that's what makes it perfect. Your mind wanders in and out of that thought and nothing seems to be wrong. A small memory of traditional moments that can never be repeated for what they were. I'd replace this lovely day to hear those pots and pans and taste those smells again.
The End.

14

i've made it a mission to have good times before my vacation. it's gone pretty well. i know once i come back, my fantasy summer will be gone and it will be covered in employment of some sort. i leave pretty soon and will be blogging no more til i get back (unless i use the timed blogger posts which sounds really cool.) ok. so here i go, from the intro to a story or something out of my mind.

a while ago i thought i this idea. one that's been on my mind for a while. it seems to me we hide true emotions very well. they can crawl to the back of our minds and be frozen in time until the next conveinent moment to let it out. we are actors all playing our roles in work, in classes, in hangouts, in nights out, in dates, and sometimes even when we are alone. there are so many parts to learn about ourselves that can take years to unravel and discover. true emotions can be so hidden the come out in artistic and true moments of our subconscious abilities.
what i'm getting with this is the fact that we only show what we choose to the world. we wear masks like Hexadecimal from the show Reboot but unlike hers, ours tend to hide our true face of emotions.
So i ask, if we all wore masks to show our true emotions, how many of us would be wearing a smile?
The End

13

Have you ever thought if you left everything for a week of silence from the world, from life, from friends, from family, from crisis, from the internet, from everything around you... have you ever thought you'd be missed? you'd be wanted in that time? you were needed for something only you could fix? there'd be many messages on your phone, on your web connections, in the mail?
If it was possible would you risk the thought and disappear?
Have you ever thought you'd discover something about yourself in a time such as that? you'd discover true friends? you'd discover how connected you actually were?
I don't think I could really disappear such as that. The joy I find is mostly in the interactions I have with close friends. I have thought of the idea though, and wonder. There's so many possibilities and fears that come with the thought. Somehow, the idea still plays around in my head.
The End.

12

It's been an odd few weeks full of self doubt and secluded moments. They've been fair and good and have treated me kindly. An obsession with dishes has become my grand distraction. Soothing yet not enough to brighten any mood. Of course, music becomes the master helper in these efforts to turn around a mood. It has lead me to an album gifted to me around Christmas from my folkie Uncle by Nick Drake. A great artist that wasn't put unpon any pedestal during his music career.

I've been listening constantly to the Pink Moon Album and it's not only light, calm and mellowing, it has a sound of seclusion and reflection that really relates to me right now. I think that everyone has those times of depression to fight through. I've been there before and ever since I fight so hard to stay away. Half the time it ends up being through pathetic distractions of hang outs and cleaning (most of which I'm using right now) but I say, as long as your fighting your way through, isn't it worth it?

Some don't survive through great depressions. After becoming fascinated with Nick Drake's music, I found him to be one. I'm no expert in the matter. Far from it. But I think it's worth trying to recover from. I won't get into details or debates. I had a few written and felt like it wasn't right to touch on my opinions in the matter compared to others. All I can say is, I'm in a bad place to be and with everything I have I'm fighting for survival. It's a tough and lonely world we live in, I hope I can just make it through and find some joy again.

The End.

11

I don't know if I've ever felt more alone than now. Of course, it could be the alcohol talking, or the crabiness I recieved as a result from trying to speak to my brother, but it feels like one of those moments. People downstairs, but no one to call. I'm outta school and recently jobless so it leaves hours of thinking in which I probably shouldn't be doing. Being a girl, you can only think so much until you start running circles in your head of things on your mind over and over again. Different scenarios, all variables of the last only slightly realistic, but all remotely true. Anyways... my thought process has lead me to the realization that I am at a low. I know I have been for some time but now, being angered by those downstairs watching a favourite movie of mine, I am here ranting of how rude and inconsiderate they are. I am ranting about how they know me even less than I thought. I am ranting about how I still don't know myself enough and my true emotions. And in my mind, I'm still running through the guy/girl story in my mind and why it has still gone so wrong.
The End.

10

I'm in the double digits of my posts. I know it's not much but frequent stories get harder to do. Hopefully I'll be making the triples in a few months time.

With that said, it brings my back to grade 2 when as a class we counted to 100. It was a big deal because in the end we got a big party to celebrate. There were coloured popsicle sticks that got grouped into tens, and I remember thinking it took forever to get to 100 days. If you think about it, 100 days is pretty long. That's over a quarter of a year. When it comes to television, 100 episodes takes about 5 seasons to reach that mark. 100 cd's in a collection costs well over 1500 dollars. (And I have MANY albums in my collection.) So we'll see. If I reach 100, I'll celebrate with a new look, one that's a little less generica for the Blogger page. But til then, a lot can happen.

Things to happen lately:
- Class marks are coming up. Not too excited to find that out.
- I have a trip coming up so I should really start sorting through my wardrobe to pick and choose.
- Canada has become cold and wet. It finally looks like spring, and the birds won't stop singing. Seriously, listen tonight and you'll probably still here a bird chirpping.
- I'm running so low on money and still have yet to find a job.

The End.