9

I'm having a lounge day from the rest of the world, trying to feel like myself again. There's been so much pressure from people lately it's hard to just snub off anymore. But, like always, I'm trying.
So I've sat here and tried to catch up on a few things going on in my life. Contact some friends as they come back home from schools, wish a few luck on their last exams, message some I haven't seen or heard in a while. I've been debating a few ideas in my mind, none at which I would like to state right now.
Girl and Boy are patching things up slowly. Miscommunications got the best of a few situations and I'm hoping it's the same for another friend of mine.
I answered the door to a guy wanting to sell something today. My lounge day has consisted of PJ's and a sweatshirt. When I opened the door he asked for my parents. I'm staying optimistic about that fact and I guess I can be happy that I can still pass off as a kid when I want to get out of things.
The End.

8

When did it become so hard to talk? It's like losing your voice to emotions and never getting it back. Why is it when someone expresses something to another person everything has to go silent? Whether it's love or anger changing the subject is harder than it is to do during a heated debate. I've had two opposite incidences that don't make any sense:

1. A friend of mine has canceled on me over and over again since she's traveling back and forth and caught up in school auditions and job interviews. It's been a crazy month or so for me and everything she was doing started to piss me off. But when I do a bit of a rant of emotions and wish her luck for her interview I'm left with nothing. No "thanks for the wishes", no "piss off I'm busy", no "I'm sorry", no "Hey how's it going?". When did people become so tied up and inconsiderate? You try to make a great support system of friends but when you need someone most, there's no one.

2. Someone expressed a few great things to me and it became a few ackward months of chats back and forth. But now it's become damn igorance of everything and I'm here wondering, "what the hell is up?" Gosh! If you want to take it back, take it back. I'm fine with what we were before. Leave it and lets move on. I've been here before, and friends is fine with me. Just let me know. Why keep it silent and strange? Recant, change the subject, and leave it at that. Why do we always tend to complicate things when they don't have to be? And when did it become so hard to be honest? When it's eating away at everyone when they're not, is that any better?

the end.

7

A bit about me.

I am not really S.D./sweetdarlin. It's my alias.
My real name is unique in pronounication and spelling. Many people have tried both, most have failed.
I'm a music freak but I try to hold off of speaking it here.
Coffee keeps me going but sleep is also nice.
I have eclectic taste which normally does not repeat itself. Therefore, I'm hard to shop for and impossible to figure out.
Half the time I don't even know what's running through my mind. It scares me. If I can't figure it out, who will?
I'm a secretive person, but I don't want to be here.
I have more of an imagination now than I did growing up.
I wish the world wasn't tied down so much.

The end.

6

I've been caught up with stuff lately, but not without this in the back of my mind. Horrible and memorable flashback number two:

I was about 5 years back, maybe a bit more but it still feels like it could've happened last week. Of course, all has been forgiven, but back then it was hard to deal with. My parents were having a real bad time and I remember seeing my dad come home and he would just sit infront of a movie and try to hold every emotion in. Depression hit him hard and confusion even harder. Like I said, it was a bad time.

One night we decided (me and my dad) to go to our favourite ice cream place down the road. It was a colder night so we drove. Halfway there I got this feeling in my chest like something bad was going to happen. Not even halfway there my heart was pounding and my mind was racing. This time I was the one fighting tears, but it was no use. My eyes were pouring and there was no stopping (for at least an hour). As soon as he could, my Dad pulled over on a tiny side street and we just sat there. Without any words I knew that was it for my parents. He didn't even get a chance to say it was over. Intuition beat him to it.

I don't think we ever made it for ice cream. If we did, I think it tasted as good as usual. That was a hard time for me and playing it back never helps my mind. I remember hearing people walk by that side street as we sat there in the car. I remember huddling as they finally noticed there were people in there. I remember not being able to see there faces cause of the tears in my eyes. It's probably best I didn't. I wouldn't want more to remember than that.

The end.

5

where to start? where oh where?
as promised. a few swirling bad memories are to be revealed starting with this:

A few years back now I was working at a small boutique by the water. This was somewhere around the 12th grade, I think. Being a small store, there were many shifts spent working alone and many shifts that I wouldn't want to remember. A homeless man would pop in and out of the stores in the neighbourhood and on occasions I heard stories of him stealing the honey bottles from the coffee shop down the block. The being close to the water, the buildings are smaller and the sun glared in brightly enough to light up the shop. I remember times where large trucks would pass by and stop for the stop sign. For the seconds where your eyes start to adjust the whole place could go black and then flicker back in the sunlight again. Great place to work and it definitely got more than three strikes before I was out. One strike though, I hope never happens again.

Due to many hours of repeats of 'Sex and the City' I came across an episode in which Carrie was dumped by a post it, and since then, my worst breakup comes to mind.

I was working a shift, alone, with the promise of my boyfriend visiting and rescueing me away for a date later that night. In short, he came in while I was tied up with a few things, said a quick "hi" and went for a walk in the neighbourhood. To my surprise, he was a few hours late and in a low mood. A while later, free of duties until another customer showed their face, he came back. With a hug, and a rather strange kiss on the forehead, it was over. No real reason (but there never is, is there?), leaving me with 4 more hours of my shift ahead of me to work through the shock of it all. While this was not a post it, at least Carrie had a lonesome time to deal with the aftermath. I, on the other hand, had jewelery and hairpieces to sell.

So there you go. One incedent I hope does not repeat itself. For you, and for me.
The end.

4

i'm sitting here after doing a few bits for class wondering what's going on? there's so many flashbacks of my past coming back that aren't ones i like to replay. from one to another they're jumping continously and i'm not too fond of it. hope it stops soon. replaying bad work experiences, bad relationships, and a really good "knack" for intuition isn't really my most favoured moments. maybe sharing them will help. who knows? so here's to the next week or too of spilling vague moments of my life for you to read....
to be continued.
the end.

3

countdown til the end is on. projects are finishing up and finding study time is getting more pressed. but i must say, the closer we get to finishing these assignments the crazier our mindset is. nothing is thought up normally and everything is said with laughter. i guess that's what makes it still tolerable. the surprises of humour are always worth the time. today didn't lack any either. it's nice having groups of friends that can joke about everything especially in serious situations. i'm not sure about you but serious and ackward moments to me always need a little humour and something that still maintains amusement.
i'm still finding time to stress though. and still gaining the nerve to figure this girl and boy situation.
wish me luck and i'll wish it likewise.
the end.

2

i'm sitting here listening to mellow tones trying to leave my funk state. it's strange, most would probably counter-act the feeling with something upbeat. i like to experience the funk to be able to hop away from it. sometimes it works, sometimes it's worse.
so here it goes (at least i hope). the funk found from a long spell of nothing. girl meets boy. girl and boy hang out as friends. boy admits good things girl is glad to here. girl stops hearing from boy. a long stop.
confusion at it's peak around the worst time in the world. from class final to class final its hard to wonder if it's final as well. what led to such a confusing time. things that seemed to be working out finally just froze indefintely.
the end.

1

it's been a long week. a very long week. miscommunications. mishaps. missed sleep. missed calls.
classes are ended oh-so fast and they're taking me with 'em. i've lost a lot of time fretting on too many things that shouldn''t be my focus right now. but isn't that how it always happens?
when does the drama happen at a time where nothing else is happening i ask? never.
but does it always have to happen around finals?
i'm not one that can push things to the back of my head to come back to later. it lingers. its stresses. it pulls my stomach into knots. meals are eaten with queeziness and sleep has strange dreams in this mood. i get the nerves like no other.
hidden under so much disguise is the nervous wreck of me. only seen with a hidden glance. discovering this side of me is what one rarely does.
two more weeks and i can finally deal with these things properly again.
the end.