45

It's a strange thing. The idea of promises you make yourself. Do they really work? Unless you're totally secure and completely unwilling to ever fudge the guidelines of this promise, I say no. You can't promise yourself anything with the parameters we want. Things get in the way. Subjects change. Environments change. The whole idea is outrageous. I find myself promising that I won't look at the clock until I've finished reading this page of an assignment only to look after the next sentence. I don't know if it's just me, but I find unless there's some other motivation, I can be happy fudging my promises to something I'm still okay with. I know me and I know the practicality of me too. I'm flawed and so are the promises I make myself.
But that doesn't mean a promise to someone else will be broken.

The End.

44

I'm being ignored by a few. This whole boy and girl thing just won't let up. Why is it everyone seems to misinterpret the other completely wrong? I never asked for anything. I never expected anything. And now, so things don't get outta control I'm stuck alone. Where is the logic in that? All I want is someone to talk and hang out with and I can barely get two words. I know it's bad timing. Same here. Suck it up. Grow up. Give me the time of day.

The End.

43

I have no distractions. No school. No work. No gatherings in the way. I'm left with my thoughts and I find it's not a nice place to be. I'm going nuts in my mind and I'm not sure which way's up or down anymore. I spent a night even with the TV on cuz I was too tired to even watch something. I listened to music and slept with salted tears on my face. I couldn't breathe. There's so much I can't figure out and still so much to deal with that I can't juggle it in these moments. When I have things to do, I take a quick moment and it's done. But when there's nothing to do, that quick moment can't be cut short. It lingers, and so does the pain. I'm driving myself crazy fighting with this force inside of me. The force that just makes me want to curl up in bed forever. The force that makes me think sleep is best. The force that ends connections. I don't like it and don't want to be there. But even the busy moments I don't have only phase them out for limits of time. I need to deal. I just don't want to. So here I go, fighting.

The End.

42

Hair cuts and cleaned rooms. Practically a tradition after a stressful time when everything's been ignored. I reinvent in a sense by starting fresh and starting over. Like a cleared head in physical terms.
Starting new. Until I need to again.
The End.

41

Almost done all my shopping. That's right. I'm going out before the malls are too busy and avoiding as much chaos as possible. I already have enough of that without adding horrible mall shoppers to it. It's not that I hate shopping. I love it! I shop weekly, but this little fact makes me hate holiday shopping even more. During this time there are so many people that can't navigate themselves through the simplist layout that it drives me made. Newbie shoppers that think every store around them is brand new. Shoppers that tend to stop at the top of an escalator to think. Shoppers that instead of stepping right into a store they slow to beyond a snails pace as they pass by the door blocking the enterance for the five people that actually know they want to enter. Who ever knew that a class could potentially be created to teach people 'how to shop in a mall'? I wish something would exist so I'd never have to endure holiday shopping torture again.

The End.

40

Only a few more exams and then I'll be done. I'm losing motivation and I'm losing speed. Feel like I could sleep forever, but it's not really an option right now. Question after question. Quiz on top of quiz. Two hours gone here and there. I don't get how my brain is still working when I'm overloaded like this.

The End.

39

The food and drinks. Nights of warm, milky hot chocolate. Dinners of Turkey, stuffing, and sweet potatoes. Desserts of Christmas pudding with rum icing. The memories of tastes so distinct, if something changes, you notice. There's always those few classic nights and meals that are so traditional, nothing is real until you have it. That's the way it is with my Christmas. A traditional once had, of Christmas Eve at the Grandparents has changed dates in the past few years. It's a tradition that I love and miss every year on that day. However, it comes in delay and so does Christmas also. It's not officially that time of year until this memorable meal and I cannot wait to taste it again.
I know I don't have much of a reading base. But if you come across this page, I would love to know the one thing that makes the Holiday season real for you. Without, it isn't the same. Thanks.

The End.